Katastrophenauskunft, GmBH

My necktie's asleep The combo went back to New York, and left me all alone
The jukebox has to take a leak
Have you noticed that the carpet needs a haircut?
And the spotlight looks just like a prison break And the telephone's out of cigarettes
As usual the balcony's on the make And the piano has been drinking, heavily

The piano has been drinking
And he's on the hard stuff tonight
The piano has been drinking
And you can't find your waitress
Even with the Geiger counter And I guarantee you that she will hate you
From the bottom of her glass
And all of your friends remind you
That you just can't get served without her
The piano has been drinking
The piano has been drinking

And the lightman's blind in one eye
And he can't see out of the other And the piano-tuner's got a hearing aid
And he showed up with his mother
And the piano has been drinking Without fear of contradiction
I say The piano has been drinking
The bouncer is this Sumo wrestler
Kinda cream puff casper milk toast
And the owner is just a mental midget
With the I.Q. of a fencepost
I'm going down, hang onto me, I'm going down
Watch me skate across an acre of linoleum
I know I can do it, I'm in total control
And the piano has been drinking
And he's embarassing me
The piano has been drinking, he raided his mini bar
The piano has been drinking

And the bar stools are all on fire
And all the newspapers were just fooling
And the ash-trays have retired
And I've got a feeling that the piano has been drinking It's just a hunch
The piano has been drinking and he's going to lose his lunch
And the piano has been drinking Not me, not me,
The piano has been drinking not me